Sometimes
by Tumblr Ate My Soul
Summary: It's not amorous love anymore, he knows, those feelings died long years back, but it's still the most incredible, most fulfilling feeling he'd ever felt. And he lives for her, the girl and Faith. Day after day. Spike/Willow Oz/Faith Please, review.


A/N: This is set in the same universe as Only In The Movies, you don't need to read that, though, it's just as confusing, either way. Give it a shot, though. And, of course, please, review, love,

TAMS

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She smokes and it surprises him every time he sees it. Because she's this perpetual good girl and she could never do something as naughty as smoking. He's aware of the fact that she almost destroyed the world (he's fine with that, he's been waiting to see Willow crack for years) but he finds her smoking to be much scarier.

She sits in his van, with him, after his gigs, and she smokes, lying on her back and looking as smoke twines with the twinkling lights on the van's ceiling. And he watches her. They sit in silence for hours before they drive back home, sometimes even chatting about music and colours and everything and anything but her smoking and their shared past.

He knows he still loves her more than anything and he knows it's a different type of love now. He has someone and she has someone and they're both parts of a whole so it's fine. He knows he loves Faith, too, and it's that burning, passionate love that makes him think they'll burn the city down.

So the four of them live together and the three of them repress, trying to forget their pasts. Faith cleans, he cooks and Willow makes sure her little girl does her homework and brushes her teeth. They're adults now and Willow has a kid she found on her doorstep and they're all raising her and that makes him try to be more understanding. They're all broken so he lets Willow smoke and wear a leather jacket all the time, even inside, and he doesn't mind it when she just lies on the floor below the window that's lit up with sunrays and just basks in the warmth.

The girl catches him watching one day (and God, she reminds him of...well, they don't talk about those people) and tells him that 'mummy' started smoking during that time William lived with them and he knows only one leather wearing, chain smoking William and he's sure that's the guy so he goes over and lies next to her for a while, just holding her hand.

It's not amorous love anymore, he knows, those feelings died long years back, but it's still the most incredible, most fulfilling feeling he'd ever felt. And he lives for her, the girl and Faith. Day after day.

She tells him about it one night and he's reminded of the old, high-school Willow for just a moment before she sinks into the Joyce persona she's unwittingly adopted, rushing to apologise for burdening him and throwing herself into decorating the girl's birthday cake. The girl that looks and acts more and more like he remembers Dawn did while she was still happy (false memories of something that never was, false memories of happiness where there was none).

The girl comes home with someone, one day and it's a bleached-blond-leather-wearing-blood-sucking someone. Him and Faith both watch Willow freeze and then sink deep into herself and he almost kills Spike then and there for breaking his Willow but she stops him and drags Spike (or William or, whatever) out and they're gone for hours. The three of them stay up, waiting for the final part of their family to return but the only one that does return is Spike, face covered in tears and clothes sopping wet and he just says she jumped.

He lets the vamp stick around because he knows Spike tried and it wasn't all his fault. So he stays and there's still four of them. And the girl is devastated and cries at night. And he hears William (because it's William now) crying, too. And him and Faith cry when they're not looking and he takes care of them.

He begins to wonder more and more, whether or not the girl's Dawn's but he dares not look into it because she's his child now and he doesn't want her to end up like Willow so he vows to love and protect her from all the bad things. And his whole life feels half-empty.

It takes two months for Spike to stop and him to start smoking. Two months of suffering until he decides it's been enough. Two months to find her hidden cartons of cigarettes and smoke them all, one by one, in less than a week. They help him stay afloat, he realises, and they help him survive the giant gaping hole in his body where his soul used to be. Faith knows all this without asking and he wonders why Faith couldn't have been his soul mate, the one that becomes a part of him, but the answer evades him

Days pass quickly and soon turn into weeks, months, and then, one afternoon, he just realises it's been seven years. They're all still miserable but they're still alive so he thinks they might just turn out OK in the end and that's what keeps him pushing forward. After every gig, he lies in the back of his van, smoking and watching the smoke curl around the sparkling lights and he finally understands her. He just hopes they're all doing better in some other dimension.


End file.
